Adam Has a Podcast Episode 30; Proud to be an American

So like Europe sometime and like a fucking 1600s shit is fucked up. Theologically. Everybody's all kinds of fucked up. Um. So then there's this. calling and not many people answered it, but um, religion taught people to like, open their hearts to the Lord and stuff, and the people that really understood it. There was a calling, and then of those that understood it, there was then those who acted upon it, and then of those who acted upon it, there were those who moved to the New World, so the whole concept. of the New World was a well needed paradigm shift on a global scale, because on one hand on the Europe side, that old world, there's war, chaos, corruption, mystery, all that bullshit, Dark Ages, nonsense. But also on the American side, there was the same thing. There was a lot of war, it was almost constant, pretty much integrated into some cultures, other cultures were actually one with what I would call, you know, the way of nature, the way of the universe. And they opposed against it, but they were having a hard time. Like I said, of those who hear the calling, not many are driven to action and very few do. And yeah, so it was just it was fucked across the board. And the introduction of it being like a new world was supposed to bring balance between the two. Although balance sometimes comes with gains and losses on both sides. There was enough loss on the New World side that it now needed to gain, because, you know, famine and well, I don't, yeah, in certain areas, but also plagues, mostly. ravaged, most of the Native American population because they didn't have an immunity to the alien kinds of viruses and stuff. And so it's like the, that addition and subtraction kind of. thing that sucks is when you add two things to the other, you know, sometimes, like, you smush two cupcakes together, you get a ball of cupcake, but then you're gonna get some cupcake that, like, comes out the spaces in between your fingers, you know?. That's what happened when we smushed these two old old worlds together, and smushing two cupcakes, and some shit squeezed out the sides. and then now it's the New World, so then they moved over here. And then they set up their puritanical culture. And that is what was the basis of early colonial life. In some areas, because then you also, once they kind of sort of establish that they could get there and then establish contact back or not really, I don't know if they had contact back, but. Yeah, yeah, once they had their first maiden voyage back and forth, that's when they decided, you know what, this ship might be viable for trade routes... So then. they're not trade routes, but like trade fucking posts and resource allocation and shit. Like, we can go. Get some shit over there. bring it back. Set up some shit over there, get some shit, bring it back, sell that shit. Opened it up for like a revenue stream. So I's someone like Jamestown was founded after Plymouth with the pilgrims, they were the first ones, the religious ones. But that, like, Puritanical religious culture was the... driving force. That was the call that they heard. So.... all of this is a really roundabout way to say that I believe that the early American Revolutionists were God's favorite people. If there is a favorite people on Earth, it got updated. It gets updated, the list gets updated. It's not like a fucking look into the past, and that's who it is for everything. It's like a title belt thing. Like, you still have the title. You still have your belts, dude. Like, you were still, like, once God's favorite pil, but the lines is shifted. Everybody's God's favorite person. You know what I'm saying? Every single person on earth is God's favorite person, which makes us all God's favorite people as a whole, but there's just some groups of people who do some goofy fucking shit sometimes. And the early American Revolutionists were fucking one of them. They just, they welcomed the spirit of freedom and liberation, and exodus into their hearts. They just lived it. They lived the story of Exodus, and they resonated so deeply with it that it opened a place in their hearts for God, and that's when God came in and was like, all right, let's set up a fucking system here. And that's the system in which we live now, but I feel like, you know, negating that fact, negating that, like, morals, value, and virtue is what founded the country. is kind of what's our issue right now in the good old U.S of A. There's this ebb and this flow. You can't really have, like, we haven't figured it out yet, how to have morals be like a consistent thing. It's like a generational eb and flow. Sometimes morals don't always translate. from past, like, four generations. So you end up in this, like, moralistic circcle, sort of, but if you shorten the chain, so say, like, you're an orphan. You have to grow up with a completely different set of like, you have to figure it out for yourself. And hopefully the system or your orphanage or your foster parents like help you with that. But typically, your parents are the ones that kind of, like, pass down what they think that you should know, and that you kind of absorb that, and then you, kind of also disagree with some of those things. So you kind of do this filtering, and then you pass down, what you think is good to your kid. So say, we can track it really well in my family. Spec specifically for, like, three generations, grandparents, grandpa smoked, Dad didn't smoke, I smoke. Grandpa smoked because we have... I don't know what the fuck you would call it. Genetic Propensity towards tobacco. This is also where I say the chain can be broken. So like my grandpa was like a link in the chain that can be broken, and he, my dad kind of were at odds with each other, so what ended up happening was my dad was like, "I'm never gonna smoke,'cause I hate the smell of fucking cigarettes. Cigarettes suck. They're for fucking people that suck, and I'm never gonna smoke. Um But then, since my dad had an averse relationship with his dad, and they weren't, like, really in their lives too much.. He didn't really know how to be a dad. So then he tried to pass down everything that thought he thought would be good to me, but this was his first fucking try at it.. So he didn't know. I was actually his fourth try, so he figured out some things, but there were some things that just, like. Oof. Did not figure out. Um.. And you, like, leave that question open, and then he's gonna listen to it, and he's gonna be, "What did I figure out? Tell me." And it's like, "Dude, you are flippant. You are so flippant all the time." It makes me flippant." And then that is just not a good recipe, 'cause the more times you give into anger, it rewires your brain to give into anger more times. It's a fucking algebraic equation that ends in chaos theory of Alzheimer's or some shit, so, like, quit being so mad about shit all the time. Do your meditation, dude. Do your fucking patience training, all right, buddy, and I'll do mine too. Um, 'Cause, like, that's these are the only people that listen to my podcast, according to. Some people's music that I listened to. I don't know, you guys made me feel bad if you're ever fucking. I don't know, man. Ordinary people get it right from time to time, right?. But fuck you. No, I love you. You're fine. You're perfect. Anyways, yeah. Earlier American Revolutionaries, Holy fucking shit, yeah. They had such an ideology of, like, freedom, and they had such an oppressor. that they fucking lived the story, they were like, "All right, these lessons are in this book.We need this knowledge. We've been fucking had our children, our skulls forever. Now it is the time when they used it. And that's what led to the birth in the formation of America. My dad.. Fucking probably. He's had, like, tobacco chewing tobacco cans in his. Like, I think it was in his car glove box or something. Like, one of them sat there for, like, I don't know, 20 years or whatever. So he's definitely tried nicotine before. I remember one time, we were in Florida, like one of the one vacations. we took Florida. Why they several. Okay, I'm not going to use my photographic memory to satisfy fucking.. Whatever right now. I'm not gonna stress myself out like that. Um, I know that I can access the information. It's all in there. And anybody else can too. It's a part of human biology. Anybody can have one. You just got to do like certain. tricks and shit to make your memory work, like using those memory game apps that they have. They have those like mind training apps. I forget what the names were right now because I'm not paid by them. So they have those games where you can like, you know, use your brain. remember shit and it supposedly builts your memory, but I've been playing one of them and clearly right now. I can't remember shit. So obviously, I don't think it works. But also, I kind of gave up for the last few days. So maybe my brain's, like looking for that stimulus of being like, oh, we're using the memory, so maybe it's not. I don't, you know? Maybe try to just, like, remembering what you wait for breakfast. That's a good step. Try to do that for, like, every day for, like a week. If you want to work on your memory. Also eat breakfast. I don't really eat breakfast. I fucking hated protein shakes for the longest time. I finally was like working out to the point where I needed them, and I started drinking them, and now, like, that's what I eat for breakfast every morning and my brain feels so much better. It's like a quick, easy breakfast and my brain feels better. My dad told me that years ago, I fucking bucked him on it. I was like, you don't know what you're talking about. Actually, I bucked him on it because protein powder kind of makes me want to gag and throw up and that was an issue that I was dealing with was like, some foods make me want to throw up. And I kind of got over that a little bit.. some textures, just made me want to throw the fuck up. And then sometimes you don't blend up the powder all the way, so I drank the pre blended ones 'cause we tried one, and it's just, it had a grainy consistency, it was gross. But then I was like, "Nah, man, fucked up, fuck up, powder. So then for a while, I just didn't drink them. But then, I had one of the, like, premixed ones, and I was like, "F yeah, that's actually kind of awesome. And it wasn't grainy or gross or nothing. And so.... I'm just describing the process of realization, like, like of, like in taking information and, like, doing the self processing process. That's what I'm describing. I forgot to introduce that. Yeah, that's like the self filtering process. So then I started drinking the protein shakes, and then, I stopped getting the protein shakes for a while, but then I was like, you know what? I need that again. But I was like, the powder's cheaper than the pre-mix stuff. I'm going to get the powder. I got the powder. I'm trying the powder. Still makes me gag. It's chocolate flavored. Oh, it still makes me gag. Still kind of like grainy. I still have to force myself to be like, "Oh I want to drink that." And I notice, it's actually a lot more like,'cause maybe because there's, like a process to it of mixing it and making it, it's a lot more difficult to, like, get up and go and drink it. But maybe that's good. Maybe it's like a, you kind of need like a morning ritual. Maybe that's like a memory thing. Some kind of consistency. Oh.Cause if everything's the same every day, and you're trying to remember your breakfast every day for a week, eventually, your memory's going to realize that it's a lot easier to just eat the same thing every day than to fucking go through that effort. It just takes a lot of energy to play those pictures back. So it takes less energy to just half the realization. rather than playing back the whole memory. That's called energy efficiency. Um. Yeah, so that's, like, kind of a self realization I have. So now, when I have a kid, what am I gonna do? Tell him about, like, protein p? I'm like, "No, I'm just gonna have it, because that's what I like to have, and I'm gonna have it in the house and if he wants to have a protein shake one day, it's she wants to have a protein shake. One day's like, all right, fine, have a protein shake, because they're in the house and you're in the house, and therefore so forth and have tho, right? That's how it works. So see, even ordinary people can get it right, you know what I'm saying? Like, you taught me that, and then he can get things right, too. Um, but he didn't like smoking, and I did see him that one time in Florida, and he was smoking a cigar, and he threw up. He likes stinking drunk. He, like was already probably on the verge to throw it up, and then he went toabbac the shop. He's like, "O is a guy? They gave him a cigar." I think they gave him, like, a cheap one, too, so fucking was one of them stanky ones. And he, like, threw up. He's like, "This is shit. It's gonna keep you a shit cigar. But you know what sucks about having a photograph memories I remember, like, every time he flipped out and pull like it, I'm like, "Please stop, I'm gonna remember this forever." I think that's also happens with trauma, too. So trauma, PTSD and like all that kind of stuff is actually evidence that everyone has capacity for this kind of memory retrieval system and like full photographic detail because like fuck, yeah, yeah. Some some traumatic memories play a lot easier and a lot clearer and like a lot more frequently than some like happy memories and stuff. But you can also train your brain to like retrieve happy information. The way that I do it is I just say to myself inside of my head, okay, self, let's start having happy intrusive thoughts now. and then I let it go. I don't try to focus on it. I just let it go. I let it go as a command to my subconscious. I just let it go, and then, today, I had a really happy one that made me laugh, and now I'm recording a podcast. So maybe sometimes it is that easy, but um that's also like I've been through a lot of, like, um theologic work myself. It's not just necessarily theologic work. I'm doing a lot of philosophical work, doing a lot of scientific work. I'm trying to become like a fucking, I'm trying to have the understanding that these polymaths had, because they seem like they figured shit out. And I was trying to have the understand, like, I'm somebody. who needs to figure stuff out. I don't know what that is. Sometimes I'm, like, I need to figure out what is the most, like, minimal parts of this, but there's some things in life that like just keep going down and down and down and down.. So, yeah. I'm speaking about going down and down and down and down rabbit holes and shit like that. Let me get back to the story at hand. Dad doesn't like to smoke nicotine. I pick up a habit. I pick it up out of, like, it's around me, it's available, it smells like bubble gum. I want to try it. It It like quietets something in my brain. Like there's like a buzzing and it just fucking quietets that something in my brain. But that only works for me. That's only a me thing, because I like I said, have like a bio something that might, like a genetic propensity for it, that it like, since people in the past have used it and they have the same DNA as me, it like changed their DNA and now it's changing my DNA to like it more. So then now if my child uses nicotine, they will like it a lot too. So I have to quit. I either have to quit and never have it around, or I have to use it, and, like, make my child aware of the knowledge of it, but that doesn't work. You should always hide your vices from your kids until they're at least like. 188. That's my hope. My kids's going to be like 18 and then you're gonna find like a pipe in my jewelry box or something, you' be like, "Dad, what is this?" And I'll be like, "Well, son, let's have a conversation." I kind of hope I quit smoking weed before then, though. Do I really hope to quit smoking weed? Weed is a good thing. It can be a catalyst for good or evil, depending on where your mind state is at. If you don't want to address your problems, then you got shit going on, it's like constant weed will, like, make it worse. It'll make make all your problems worse. But if you would start addressing your fucking issues, and like you were actually in a place where like, you can relax and like things are addressed and things are handled. And weed's kind of fucking great. But it can really exacerbate, like issues that aren't stressed. So that's an important thing to address about marijuana.. And that means just like, maybe, you have a leak in your bathroom faucet, and you call the plumber a plumber be there tomorrow. So he said, you know what, the turn the water off underneath the sink, and maybe try not to use that faucet till morning. I'll try to be there first in the morning, 'cause it like a leak in the middle of night or whatever.. Meat, or, like, a normal person would turn it off and be like,Okay, it's off, make sure it's off, and then they go to bed.. Because it's technically addressed. Somebody who's like a plumber who, like, knows how to do that, maybe maybe somebody who doesn't want to spend the money on that. Somebody who has a pressure, maybe somebody who smokes weed, they get a little paranoid. If there's a pressure on the situation, somebody is going to start with maybe tearing off the water. Oh, that's they go to bed, and they're done thinking about it. But then they're like, "Man, is it, what if I could fix it?" And then they get up, and they're like, if it's a plumber, they would be like, "What if I could fix it? And they get up and they examine it. If it's not a plumber, they wouldn't have that question. They would be like, "Man, I wonder if it's still leaking." That would be their question. Plummer would question, "Can I fix it?" And that would lead to a whole entire difference, like chain of events where, like, maybe the plumber would go into the bathroom where the bleaky faucet is, like examine the situation, and he would start diagnosing the situation. which means, like maybe he would unscrew the screen from the faucet, and maybe there's, like, it's clogged or something. So there ends up being built up or maybe he would try to tighten the handles on the spouts or maybe he would try to assess exactly where the leak is coming from. If it's just like a pool of water that keeps appearing, maybe he's trying to find exactly where that leak is coming from. And then that that one will lead us back to like the paranoid person's thoughts, where like, where is that leak coming from? Or like, is the leak actually coming from the part where I they'll start having all of these different thoughts. Did I turn the faucet off? Did I do that right? And then they'll get up, and then they'll go and check and they'll be like, okay, it's actually off. They might try to turn on the water, make sure it's off. They might sit there for a minute, make sure they don't see like a drip or something.. And maybe they'll dismiss it, but then they might get up again or not. They have all these extra thoughts. And then there's this third person who I think I mentioned, who just fucking goes to bed, wakes up, the plummer handles it, and it wasn't even a second thought. Everything is funky, hunky dory.. But then sometimes when there's like a difficulty in achieving that in a situation, like, say, maybe you don't have money, maybe you're so scared about, like, problem of getting worse ' because you don't want it to be a big bill. That's something that really kind of, like, gets in people's way of having peace of mind.. Which is why, like, a healthy, flowing, vibrant economy is the best thing that can happen for any country in the entire world. As long as you have an economy that has enough, like, liquid cash flow, that every single citizen has enough money accessible to them at any time that they could pay for an emergency, that would quell a lot of anxiety throughout a lot of the world. It would quell a lot of, like feelings of negativity that pervade the world.. That's like what they call, like, wishful thinking, or like, whatever. And that's exactly what the American Revolutionaries had. They said, "Hey, man, our local economies are fucking suffering because of these taxation fucking without representation of bullshit. And so, they started fucking fighting back. They're like, "We're not paying.". Granted, I haven't filed my taxes in a couple years, but I haven't filed my taxes in a couple of years, 'cause this one guy was like, supposed to pay me. Well, first of all, he was supposed to like, have me as an employee with a W-2 and all that, and like, I don't think he ever filed the paperwork. And then he was supposed to pay me as an employee and like take taxes out, and I don't think he ever did that. Maybe he wrote it off as like a gift, but he never informed me that he wrote it off as a fucking gift or something like that. Um, so I've just been like, "What do I do about this situation? I haven't really had a job after that,'cause my mind is, you know, you've been a fan of the podcast. Um. And so, I'm not, like, purposefully rebelling from the IRS. If you, like, listen to this right now and you're like, " see, this is proof, no, no, no, that's what the situation is. Um, Because when you're an average normal person making a very highly personal podcast, I guess, maybe to a degree, it is just revealing of evidence of things or whatever, or your weaknesses and all that kinds of stuff. And I thought being vulnerable was cool. Fuck you guys, if you're one of those guys, they're like, "A, is vulnerability, Fucking scares me." Like, let's make it stop.. Yeah, so, like, those guys. Handah and get out. Your energy not welcome. But if you like one of those guys that wants to, like, solve one of your own problems and, like, look at your own self and, like, reflect inwards on, like, how you can better yourself and, like, fix yourself and do good for yourself. Maybe this is the podcast for you. And if you're like a government entity that's listening to this, and you're like, we should get this guy on our team. Fuck yeah, totally open to the concept. Let's go for it. Granted, I can't post this now.'cause that's a blow of cover. That's a cover blow right there. So. if I do post this, that means that they haven't contacted me. 'cause they obviously have access to our phones and stuff. And, uh, we're just, like, waiting on that now. He said, "They haven't put me on the team, but anyways, let me go back to my story about the Americanvolutionaries. They said, "F this shit, and they fuck him were like, "Get the fuck out of here." And this is the story of our people, dude. This is, like, what I'm going back into, about, like, a history of America, the history or what's happening now is what is happening and what is running through our veins. It's our shadow. That's what happens, like, in a person, we have, like, our forward presenting self, and then we have our shadow. And then like things transition between the self and the shadow. Everything that you're capable of is contained within the whole sphere of who you are. That is, you and the shadow, ying and yang. That's everything that you're capable of. Traits will transfer between the shadow and the light so that we can get better understandings of what the actual nature of the trait is. Some traits are like positive in. So this is a thing that kind of keeps happening to me. Oppitional defiance kind of bullshit. I oppose authority, but only in a way of like, are you doing the right thing? And I noticed, when, like, everything was hunky dory in my youth, it was funny to say fucking kind of like on edge humor, because that was a testing of the system. I said on edge humor, and a lot of people would come back and try and teach me morals. Few kids would laugh, and like, that's what made the jokes good, was you could find everybody else that didn't like it, and they were not on your team and then the people that laughed, you could be like, all right, cool, we can find more things to laugh about. And then you find out maybe you don't like laughing at that one joke all the time, so you go to play Minecraft or some shit together and you find different things that you like to do together. Um.. That's what makes humor a great, kind of like social lubricant, in a way. That's why, like, people, oh, geez, that's why some people drink and stuff and smoke. And that's why I always like, like, I don't need to drink to do that, because I didn't had humor as my social lubricant. And now that I've kind of like discarded humor a little bit as being so much of a core part of my identity, I've moved it more to my shadow, it was one of my forward facing traits, and it was one of the things that, like really, like, made me, like, get by in life and like always laughing and stuff and like, um, always making a joke of everything and not really thinking the consequences. But then I started thinking of the consequences more, and I started thinking of the jokes so that the humor moved to the shadow and right now, the humor is like morphing into something else. But what came forward facing was, my actual, "Okay, you guys want me to be serious? This is how I seriously see everything." There is also just a little bit of humor inside the seriousness, as well, 'cause, like, you can't be so serious, because it comes off goofy. It comes off silly. You gotta just be a person., just be yourself, is what Bernie Max says. Maybe I'll edit into some kind of maybe I'll edit it in right there. So I'm gonna make space with my my talk. So I haven't edited point. And if I don't, I'm also making a joke about my laziness, because there's some shit. Oh my god. I went back to listen to some of these podcast guys, and they are back.. Not bad in, like, the content is bad. Some of the contents actually really wholesome, dear and honest, but qualities. Actually, some of the quality on some of them is like really good. Some of them, it's just they got some errors. Like, I forgot to edit. I thought something was edited into something, and then it wasn't, and then, like,. had to go back and edit it in a bunch of other stuff, so... Yeah.. Just gotta be yourself. Trust in yourself. And that's like, what America's ideals are, trusting in yourself, believing in yourself, welcoming everybody. 'Cause, like, we were an empty country. And we're still an empty country, dude, Mad undeveloped land. We're fucking so empty. We have millions of square met. Like, I think I Googled it once and I heard the word "billion, and I'm not too sure about that, 'cause I was like, no fucking way there's billions of square miles, and we're still fighting over, like fucking.. shit all over the world. Like, dude, there's so much land, it just takes development. And like, not everybody wants to develop because a conservational causes. And that's when, like,, my oppositional defiance comes in, because I'm like, all right, how much conservation do we need in conjunction to infrastructure and how much is it limiting our capabilities of expanding and becoming a stronger country, a more connected country? Because I don't think they ever envisioned a time in our world that we would have the kind of technology that we had, so they did things that they didn't think would matter. because I remember that a couple of years ago, like, in like 2000 and like 13, 14, I was like, they're gonna have burger flipping robots and fucking like 10 years anyways. And uh, my dad was like, fuck you, that's not gonna happen. Keep dreaming, buddy, and now it's 10 years later, and. Hey. I got burger flipping robots. That was a phone call with himip. I was like, they got burger. I sent them fucking they got burger flipping robots now.. But when everything was all hunky dory, some humor flew. Now some humor doesn't fly. Like, that's what my own personal kind of thing, but I think that was also me sensing something from the atmosphere around me changing and realizing it's time for some kind of ideals to come into play, some kind of seriousness to take hold.. Which is like, what the fuck is this kid even about right now? Like, he's he's on the cusp of adulthood. What kind of adult is this guy gonna become? Um. And to be quite honest, I gotta start figuring it out for myself. That's like part of growing it up. You gotta start doing things for you, and the sooner you can start doing things for yourself, the sooner you kind of like can start getting a head start on those adult things that you want to like do later. Like I wish I looked at it like that, so.. Like, the more times that I went out to just go skateboard'cause I just wanted to go skateboard, then I would be skateboarding more. And that was like, as a youth, because I had to skateboard as a little kid, I started to get fat, I was like, I want a skateboard. I never really used it because like, my hill was really not paved nice. My street wasn't paved very nicely, and it was really loud and like obnoxious and I didn't like being so loud and obnoxious and like, I wanted a friend to do it with me, I didn't really have any friends to hang out with and it was just I kept poking out, these different little holes and like why I couldn't skateboard. And there was also other variables at play.. It just made it like.. I'll wait until later until I'll do this. And, you know, I grew up, got myself a skateboard, now it's later. And I think right now, Trump is doing something. It's strengthening America in the worst way possible. He's challenging our ideals. And recently, I felt very challenged in my ideals a lot in my personal life. So I am just feeling this like, dude, you should not be challenging the ideals of America. Unless this is the exact purpose for which you are challenging the ideals of America, to get somebody to rise up out of us, to wake us out of our fucking sleep a little bit, to get us to rise up and read the fucking books and start fucking spouting off what America is supposed to be about, because a lot of other people read the books and they fucking misread some shit, and they thought about it in a different perspective, and then they started playing a little devil's Advocate game. Some of them started playing the Devil's Advocate game and got stuck in it, some of them purposefully stay in it. Some of them don't even like, believe what they're saying, but what they're doing is they're trying to do the oppositional defiance disorder thing, but they haven't realized that the authority has changed, so now they're the defiance that they have to oppose against is different now, and I'm realizing that very fast. That's why I realized that even within the Bidenministration, because I was like, "Oh, man, this is like, just Biden time. Fuck, it was a joke. All of it's a cosmic joke. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Oh, God, when my dad said years ago to me, wouldn't it be crazy? Like, if you just knew of the existence of the devil? And I was like, thathat's so terrifying. Why would you want to know that?" And he said, "Well, if you knew there was a devil, then wouldn't you know for certain there was a God?" And I was like, " I didn't think about it like that." And then, like a couple days, like, not even like a couple minutes, like the next conversation was, I don't even know if it was the next. It was a concurrent information. Holy shit. This is a flood of information." My dad was like, "Dald Trump is gonna be president." And now fucking Donald Trump is gonna be president. You don't think that, "Oh, my God, Wow. And it's Biden, Trump, Trump, Biden. "Oh, my God, and it happened right around the scene. "Whoa, maybe he was just, like, noticing something in the atmosphere as well. Actually, I think he said that to me when I was like, way younger, way before it happened. And then when it started to happen, he was like, "Mmm." And I was like, ", I don't think it's gonna happen still." And then it happened. And then now I have a feeling of, like, was this a point to prove to me the existence of the devil, or was that just him trying to fuck with my mind? It might just be two completely desperate conversations, but that's the kind of filtering process going back into it. Then I'm doing now because I have such a good memory, so many details cross each other, and then I start reliving. There's like thinking about on some level, each and every one of the cross sections of each memory.. So when I say the word "because," I remember being in, like, fucking. Miss Heiscy's third grade class, uh, sitting with my face to the board. There's windows on the left side of the room, and she was in the right side of the room. And, she was spelling the word BE C A U S E, everybody. And I think my my my teacher of the year before that did the same thing.. Miss Cassidy. And the, um, and the two classrooms are very similar in design. Um So they're very hard to and they're from very long ago, memories, so it's very hard to separate them out. But every time I say the word because my brain goes right back to that moment of remembering because, and then, um, it remembers, like subsequent moments after that. So, like, every time I use it in, uh, literature, if I'm starting to use it too much, when writing, I can't ignore that thought train. and it starts going back to, like, the last time I used it, and I used the word so much that if I actually remember every single time that I used the word, it it'll burn my brain out.. My brain will get very hot, and I'll break down. 'Cause there's so many cross sections. Wow, I wonder if B cause is like a central node in my brain, just as like American Revolutionary history is a central node in my brain because I grew up in Massachusetts and I was ingrained in all of the history and the culture. So now that somebody is, you know, acting against what is American idealism, I'm like, dude, this isn't it. Flags are flying up in my brain from the things that I learned in my youth to say, "Hey, what are you doing over there? What's going on? This isn't what the fuck Constitution says, but you know what, man? I'm one of those guys that they're trying to motivate to read the books,'cause I haven't been fucking reading the additions to the Constitution. I only know the Bill of Rights. That's the only one that mattered to me in my eyes, but it's not the only one that matters to everybody. There's lots of other constitutions that mean lots of other things, like, I think the 25th Constitution means that J.D. Vance can do a really seedy but cool thing.. He basically has to, like, turn the whole cabinet against Trump, and that way, he can get him taken out, but also, at the same time, JD. Vance once opposed Trump, and now he supports him, he shows that he has the ability of bipartanal thinking. He has the capability of it, of, like, conceding and thinking, in terms of both sides. So, you know what, man? I actually think that he, given an opportunity, maybe might, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, might, see the world the same way that I'm seeing it and be like, "You know what? This Adam has a podcast douchebag, actually, has a point. Uh. But also, I have to stop being self deprecative,'cause that means that I won't read the books. 'cause I'll be like, that book is too long." And then I won't read the book. It'll be the same thing as a skateboard. I got to get over that. I don't know what the fuck that is.. It's the same thing that is kept me from podcasting for so long, so maybe the podcast really is a great way for me to communicate with my own subconscious. That's what I noticed, too. Oh, my God. Have you guys seen the show Daredevil? I fucking rewatched a little bit. I didn't even have to rewatch it. I was listening to my podcasts. And then I was like,Yo, these are starting to remind me of the Poindexter tapes. I'm fucking throwaredevil season three and I felt like a little embarrassed, but also at the same time, the fact that I can come up with this out of myself for myself, to myself, and then sometimes I'm actually listening to it when I need it. Like, it pops up in my brain the exact moment that I need it. And I say to myself, I should go listen to that. And sometimes if I listen to it, it makes the moment better, and sometimes if I don't listen to it, it makes the moment worse. Yeah, I'm just kind of fucking posting them to the internet because I'm pretty sure that everybody could use a little bit of self-help and fucking sorting out their craziest parts of their minds. And that's where I am right now. I'm sorting out the craziest parts of my minds, but that's what kind of sucks about some of these pressures. Some of the pressures that are being applied to the large general public, like fear and fear of one's safety will mess with a person's mind to the point where it does things where it makes them go. Like I said with the paranoia example and the faucet, it'll exacerbate healthy people because they're normal, otherwise healthy people, and they would be healthy people continually if they weren't.. applied such a pressure.. Such a pressure wasn't put on everybody, it would be way better healthier people in the world. Pressure makes, like, unhealthiness, and sometimes that unhealthiness manifests physically and like, tension and stuff like that, maybe like health problems, but then also, maybe like mentally, like, you can't, like, think three around confusion and things like that. And by the good graces of the Lord, I don't know how I've been able to do it. I don't know, I don't fucking know. But, um.. somehow I keep returning back to a state of like, figuring shit out. Like, not just necessarily figuring shit out, but a state of realization, a state of peace and calm, and a state of, like, okay, guys, like everybody needs to be included. Everybody, what are you doing here? Um I just always keep returning back to this, like, person. That just has a very deep fucking feeling of what is, like, right and what is wrong. Bef before even being told, like, what is right and wrong, just a very, like, deep feeling of that. And somebody who's been grappling with that deep feeling for a long time, and now I'm somebody who can hopefully articulate that feeling and give lights to people that don't understand and like the way to figuring it out is, you think about it, you journal your thoughts down, you write things down. If you're thinking about something, a whole bunch, holy crap, sometimes writing it down and like actually seeing it written down, for me, kind of like scares me a little bit. I'm like, wow, that's a thought that came out of my head.. And then that makes me reflect on it a little bit better, because I'm like, "Well, how did I actually feel about that?" And I'll try to read it when I'm in a different emotional state. So if I'm mad and I write something, I try to read it when I'm calm, and if I sometimes I'm like that's gross, I realize, why did I act in that way? And I try to edit my behavior, and I try to fucking self-regulate. It's self-regulation of emotional responses. I've been trying to do. I've been forced into doing it for, like a long time'cause nobody around me is self regulated. I had to figure it all out, but then I figured out that there's, like, people that help you figure that out. Well, which is cool. So, uh, yeah. I think everybody should, you know, self regulate, and if they don't know how to self regulate, have access to those people, they can help them self regulate. And those are therapists, and psychiatrists, but then again, that goes along with like everybody needs free access to healthcare, and then again, that goes into like, hey, what are you guys doing? What's happening here? What's happening with the whole country? What's What's going on here? Look at Canada, look at Europe. They were the Old Worlds, the week that everybody came here to this new world to try and escape. And now we're becoming like an old world, and they are having these progressive ideas because people have been there for so long that they've already gone through the kind of tumult in turmoil that the pilgrims escaped America to avoid. Let's take a fucking lesson from the guys who have already gone through it already and who are a step or two ahead of us and let's start trying to implement some new progressive policies to try and help the general public so we can relieve the mental strain on the population, because even if there are decreasing numbers and statistics and like crime and stuff like that, mental strain will make somebody think that they're rising. And the echo chambers of our social media will confirmation that bias. Confirmation bias that person into believing. Some who's completely untrue. And it's like happening just to that one person, but it's also happening to everybody all at once. And it's become to such a point that everybody has become like me when I'm at my worst. And so now that I know this, and now that I'm willing to recognize it within myself, um.. And now that I know that I have been helping myself through this all along, that I have been the one getting myself through this all along, and these are some of the thought processes and the thinking behind it. Maybe now I can try and bring that forward and help people who need help figuring this out now? Um, that my problem, it goes back into the polymath problem is, a lot of people in a lot of different fields need some help right now. A lot of different areas of life need help. It's all because it's being driven by, like this one existential dread or like desire of wandering why or what or just we someone picks an adjective and we run with it. Is it an adjective? What is why or what? We're running into about an hour now, and there's I don't see much interactivity on these podcasts. So that will be my question for the week. Hope you guys have a wonderful evening. I don't I don't remember it. I'm already moving on. Oh, that's the thing about my memory and the issues that I'm facing with it. Once I say I'm moving on, sometimes my brain just claps around it, just pushes me forward, but I can always make my way back, like it's still in there. Just like drawing a line on a piece of paper, that's what moving forward through time is like, just drawing a line on a piece of paper. Anyways, fuck out of here.