Adam Has a Podcast Episode 31; The Anti-Social Mind Virus

In order to determine if an idea was good or not, supposedly the ancient Greeks used to debate the idea sober and then debate once again drunk, and if the idea sounded good in both states, then it must have been a good idea. This is anecdotal pieces of evidence that I have learned that may not be true But despite that, I believe it has a fairly good lesson of the human condition wrapped up inside of it and mostly that lesson applies more towards men in the concept of post nut clarity. Post not clarity comes about and suddenly something that seems like a good idea. There's no longer a good idea because the hormonal drive is no longer there Which gets me into the topic that I want to talk about, which is testosterone a lot of different ways of thinking ideologies and frameworks can be borne out of hormonal imbalances which is very interesting because sometimes some ideas can cause your limbic system to disperse hormones just at the presence of an idea.. It takes a very well trained person to be able to avoid some kinds of tactics that are used to infuriate others. I say well trained and you think, well, oh my God, it's going to be so difficult to train myself. But Two Crows episode, a Rick and Morty, all training is complete because therefore, all training was unnecessary. They say some shit. Hold on, let me let me pull it out of my mind. Training is complete because the train trained to be untrained. Therefore, the untrained are fully trained and training is complete. You train in order to make something a natural response, but your natural responsse is, quote un are how you've been trained so far and the thing about testosterone is when you get a hot head, you start to make certain kinds of conclusions and it's funny because it seems that everybody with an increased amount of testosterone seems to make the same conclusions. Um, and only when that level drops, do they ever reflect and realize, oh man, maybe that wasn't the best way to do that. Maybe that wasn't the best approach to that situation. Maybe that wasn't the best way to handle that. And that's when you come up with the rationalization of, oh, well, well, maybe that was just my youth,, inexperience, my, you come up with all of these different rationalizations for what could have been as simple as a hormonal drive caused you to make a decision that when the hormonal drive is no longer there, you would normally not make that decision which gets into post on clarity. Post not clarity, your testosterone levels spike and then drop, which is what provides the level of clarity. They spike, you get cloudy-headed, you get kind of like, maybe a little bit aggy, if you get a little bit agitated. But then those levels drop because you had your hormonal release, your hormonal drive was fulfilled, so then your body stops producing those hormones so that you no longer need them because you were fulfilled. You did what you needed to do. You don't need these fucking things no more. Get them out of here. fucking drops the levels of testosterone. And then suddenly, you're fucking looking at your screen and you're like, what the fuck is this? You get disgusted, you might gag a little, you're like, oh, God, I was watching that. Why did I think that was good? That's like the worst end of the spectrum. The fucking lightest end of the spectrum is like, oh, I feel gross now. You know? Sometimes, sometimes that's how people feel just afterwards. They just feel gross because the hormonal drop is not there anymore. And they're like, well, why was I even thinking that way? The grossness comes out of a rationalization. I'm saying all of this, because there's fucking rhetoric, okay, man? There's this rhetoric that goes around that can. Like I said, a moment ago, Spike, your limbic system, and there's specific rhetoric that actually targets your testosterone in men. And will make your pre programmed limbic responses work against you. And that's certain ways of thinking. That's competitive mindset. Ultra competitive people usually have really high levels of testosterone because they have such a hormonal drive to be competitive. I'm somebody who has registered and recognized that he has had a high level of testosterone from a young age, and so thus I have actively avoided things that could exacerbate it or make it worse, like competition. And I've actively ran towards things that could make it better, like marijuana. In my case, marijuana makes it better because it's a phyoastrogen. A Phyoestrogen is plant lady hormones. It's lady hormones from a plant. Since I have such a high level of testosterone, I smoke at the two kind of balance each other out a little bit, and I come to a more conscious level. But since I have such a high level, what my conscious level is is actually like the normal level of most people. This is details my difficulty with my own hormonal balance and actually details my understanding of it so deeply. Like, why does this guy understand this shit? It's a lived experience for me. It happens almost every single day that I go through a hormonal cycle of like peaks and troughs and I have to be weary of my own kind of way of thinking and what it could be in conjunction with the time of day, because your cicadian rhythm and your body's own rhythm disperses hormones and shit like that throughout the day. So at night, your circcadian rhythm will help you disperse melatonin from the base of your spine, and that will travel down your spinal cord, and it will travel throughout your body and help relax you and put you into a more tranquil state in order to fall asleep, but in order to wake up, the same system disperses cortisol and hormones, like testosterone. And those hormones act as a natural kind of like wake up receptor in your brain. Also sometimes two your brain uses adrenaline to a lesser degree in order to wake you up. But for me, I had like. bad regulation for my entire life. Always too much chemical for what my body could handle. So I used to wake up with too much adrenaline, which would cause a lot of panic in the morning. My body, like.. figured out that was the quickest way to wake me up. And so it utilized that because speed was a variable in the morning times like it was necessity almost like if you want to sleep in, then you got to use this chemical in order to move faster. And I always wanted to sleep in because getting up was so hard. which goes into that's definitely a hormonal balance, imbalance kind of thing. But a lot of this, like regulation through meditation and other means has kind of opened up my mind to, oh yeah, dude, just that way of thinking is gonna make you mad. And like, I can I can name names and point fingers right now. But, and that might make it clearer for you as a listener to understand what exactly I'm talking about. But my reluctance to point fingers and name names comes about from a want to not give them more publicity than they already have. I don't necessarily want to say you're a bad guy because I just watched the Twilight Zone episode 4 o'clock and I totally understand what the fuck the point of that one was. But I do definitely want to call out the behavior because, like, dude, you gotta stop talking like that, and you gotta stop acting like that, because you're gonna start pissing people off. But if I don't call off to certain kinds of people that do that kind of stuff, then it's like, well, damn, who is he talking about then? So I'll give an illusion to some kind of Romanian douchebag who likes to pimp out women over the Internet. Somebody who's like that, you don't want to listen to his fucking ideologies, okay? He has a very, very fucked up and abusive way of understanding the world. And he might have toned down his abuse to a way that it was socially acceptable, but it's still abusive. And if you think that way, you're running the risk of becoming an abusive person yourself. And you're like, man, abusive is kind of a heavy word. What the fuck even is that? What does that even mean, dude? Um... There's this, like little voice in your head that tells you the right thing to do. And the more testosterone you have, the quieter that voice gets. It's still there, but you just can't pay attention to it as much because there's a lot louder signals going on. But that little voice that's telling you the right thing to do a lot of the times a testosterone field environment will make it disregard that little voice is right. The more times you disregard that voice, the more times you're being abusive. Each time at your fucking yelling at somebody, maybe you like to flip out at people in the fucking pentagon. Each time at you're flipping out at people in the fucking Pentagon, and you're disregarding that little voice in your head that tells you the right thing to do, you're pissing off everybody around you. And their little voice is going to start getting louder and louder and louder. The more you ignore your little voice. and they're gonna say,This guy can't be acting like this no more. This is fucking unacceptable behavior. Because the person themselves isn't doing a fucking self reflection necessary to realize, oh shit, that is unacceptable behavior the way I acted. Like that. Why did I act like that? And then he's not coming to the fucking conclusions of why they acted like that. They're just going to keep continually acting like that. Which brings me to my next point. Self regulation. That's self assessment. The only person in this world that's ever gonna do that for you is yourself. That's why it's called self regulation. It's why it's called self assessments. It's why you even bother including the word self in the partition of the word, a self assessment. Just call it a fucking assessment of other people are doing it, but it's a self assessment. You're the only person that knows the internal environment to your body. And the more you try to ignore your own internal environment, the more it's going to overlay onto your reality. And I don't mean that through like fucking mumbo jumbo type shit. I mean, if you ignore some shit, your subconscious is going to make you act in ways that you think that shit is okay and you can't ignore that shit because of the more you ignore it, the more you subconscious is going to make you act that way. because we all like to think that we're very conscious individuals, but at the end of the day, at the beginning of the day, fucking at the sum of it all, the subconscious is a major driving force behind our entire lives. We don't think about every time we have to palpitate our bowels. We don't think of every time we have to pump our heart. We don't think of we we typically don't think of every time that we have to breathe unless somebody says something like this, and they bring your awareness to the fact that you're breathing because your breath is like your doorway into your automatic nervous system. It's something that is both conscious and unconscious action. You can choose to take a deep breath or your body can take deep breaths for you in a deep state of relaxation. If you're in a deep state of relaxation, you're preset is going to be deep fulfilling breaths. But if you're in a state of like tachachardia, rapid heartbeat, then your preset is going to be rapid breathing because your body is going to say, well, we need extra oxygen for all of this blood flow that's happening right now. So it's going to increase the oxygen flow. But if you, say, drank an energy drink and you know that your heart rate is going to increase because you drank the energy drink, you can consciously kind of like slow down your heart a little bit. You can you can find yourself maybe doing tasks too fast and then you say, wait a minute, I drank an energy drink, I should slow down. You have a rationalization of why your heartbeat is so fast. and what may be the cause because you have a reason. But that's the problem with a lot of the rhetoric. It seeps into the subconscious, and it's not much of a very conscious act as drinking an energy drink. You don't really necessarily know that you're digesting this shit by listening to it. That's why it gets real subconscious, because everything you listen to, everything you hear, every single experience and sensation that you have, your subconscious is recording and trying to make sense of so it can relay back to you a perception of reality. That was a heavy statement. So, like, the fact that you can't see your own nose is a very glaring fact that our brains are making up everything. It's right in front of our faces, guys. It's kind of so silly and funny that it it seems like it was done on purpose.cause it's literally right in front of her faces all the time, but the design of it is made so that we don't pay attention to it, but sometimes you gotta pay attention to it, especially if people are like playing this rhetoric in the background or whatever, it's being uploaded into your subconscious. You've got to start paying attention to, okay, well, where are these thoughts coming from? Where are these feelings coming from? Like, if you suddenly watch a podcast clip, a little TikTok of a fucking snippet of a podcast, they snpped out the most emotionally fucking potent part of that podcast and turned it into a clip. So when you watch that little snippet, and your heartbeat suddenly picks up and you're like, "Dude, I'm fucking mad right now. That's gonna start dispersing testosterone adrenaline and quortisol throughout your system. If you're a dude, if you're a woman, it might disperse estrogen, depending whether or not, if you're. So, that's the weird thing about it. testosterone leads towards like aggressive behavior in men, but if you're a dude and you produce a lot of testosterone, your body should naturally convert it to estrogen in order to find a balancing point. Mine, like, doesn't. That's the problem. But if you're a woman and you have too much astrogen, astrogen is supposedly the thing that makes them more like womanly traits, but in women, I think it makes them more aggressive. If you have high estrogen, then your body a woman's body will actually convert it testosterone. That's when you have like high testosterone women. So, like, it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. You're all gonna be susceptible to the same kind of hormonal fluctuations caused by rhetoric.. And I know this, dude. I'm so sensitive to shit that sometimes I do. Like, I'll be scrolling through shit. And suddenly. I'm something will happen, and I'm like, whoa, buddy. There's some kind of energy right here. I start getting real kinds of nervous and shit. And then I'm so sensitive that I can actually stop when it starts and I can stop everything that's going on. What's going to happen? What's the thing that made me emotionally react here? And I might go back within the video. It might have happened in the video or it might have happened two or three videos back. That's what I say about like where absorbing this information might not necessarily always consciously be able to. Wanted to use a big word. I'll just use figure out. where it's coming from, you know? That's because we absorb so much information so quickly. In environments that are kind of fluid, social media feeds are kind of fluid because if it updates on you, suddenly that thing that made you so emotional and you were typing a comment out to, will just disappear. Now you're left to deal with all of those extra emotions. You have nowhere to do with it. You don't even know why you really have those feelings. Sometimes so you don't know like a constructive means of dealing with it, like writing or art or whatever. And you're kind of left to fester. So that's why outlets are the biggest thing. And then healthy outlets are bigger than that, because, like I said, I smoke weed, but that's not a healthy outlet. It's bad for my lungs. It's bad for my brain, probably. I would probably think a lot. Like, I'd probably be a lot more ahead if I wasn't dealing with pol of these hormonal issues and trying to self regulate it. But that's the nature of reality now, isn't it? Just what works for some people doesn't work for everybody. And what maybe a healthy coping mechanism for one person can be an unhealthy coping mechanism for another. So that's why it really goes back into the self portion of it, the self assessment, the self realizations. Maybe you have a self realization that art makes you feel the same way as post n clarity was. So then you start painting a whole bunch and suddenly your brain starts to become a much clearer environment because you don't have so much influx of excess testosterone and hormones like that. It's really just like, the modern day internet landscape is like fighting for control over your limbic system. That's the like most succinct way to put it, I believe. Every single post or whatever you're seeing is basically like a ploy or an attempt to get your nervous system to have a response so that you emotionally respond to the content, become a fan. They want manic numbers. That's one of the things that I heard. I gleaned from my environment is marketing has moved towards what they call manic numbers because manic numbers are crazy. That's what you get like a million followers in a month because you're just driving the fucking public manic, mania. You're Belemania shit. That's probably where it came about was Beetlemania.. With a phenomenon was really first kind of studied. But now they have a way into your brain that sits in all of our pockets. And so what was a niche marketing form for like ultra popularular superstars, like the Beatles became like a widespread marketing strategy. And so they're trying to like use your own emotional responses in conjunction or against you to make you follow this person to make you listen to this song. It's kind of sinister to a degree. It's It's kind of sinister. because a lot of people aren't consciously aware of themselves in this way to even be able to put together a fucking podcast like this and even me, myself and I, I'm fucking struggling with it right now. I got some portions where I'm like, damn, I had a good way to convey that, but now that I'm talking, I can't pull it out of my ass no more. I can't pull it out of my brain because my brain is currently occupied my subconscious is currently occupied with the task of driving my vocal box. That's what I'm saying. Like, the subconscious rules the day. When you ever notice that when you're talking suddenly your brain kind of goes quiet if you're somebody that talks to themselves, it's very difficult to like talk to yourself in your head at the same time at you're talking out loud. I can do it, but only in a way that I'm slightly. Shit. See, I just tried to do it and I kind of confused myself. Fuck. I can I used to be able to do it really well, but the weed thing. Weed kind of like made me be like, you got to start acting within the natural order of things, man. And I was like, all right, stop utilizing my brain for how it can't be utilized. But I get like a slight preview of the next word that I'm going to say when I try to use my internal voices at the same time as I'm using my external voice to make them say completely different things is really difficult. I can only focus on one word. Like right now I'm focusing on the word applesauce while I'm also talking right now. And ouch, that hurt. It didn't hurt, but it was just cognitively complex.. Dude, and our phones are forced us to do that all the time. like 24 seven, 365, because we have so much cognitive input that the subconscious wants to respond to everything and your subconscious is busy trying to respond to an online fucking basically fake conversation that happened three weeks ago with people that you don't even know while you're also trying to sit down at the dinner table and have a conversation with people that you interact with every day. It's loading too many subconscious tasks onto the subconscious subconscious was a computer. Somebody's gotta open up a task manager and start closing some shit cause shit is gonna start crashing because of the influx of information from fucking social media, from normal media, from fucking this, that, and the other place from your school work, home, so much information, even just going to the grocery store. I remember a quote that was like, dueude, if you went to the grocery store with like an absolute awareness about, like if you had a total consciousness and awareness and went into the grocery store, it would be an overwhelming experience. I forget who's, maybe Alan Watts said that or some shit.. Yeah, if you had a conscious experience in a grocery store, it is overwhelming. I'd fucking had that once, and I was like, oh, I understand that quote so deeply now. Because I was in the grocery store and then suddenly I was like, that's a fucking purposefully colored bright red sign to guide my eyes towards it, to sell that product as a quote unquote sale. And they start noticing like, oh man, prices are written in a certain way. It's a kind of confuse you so that you end up buying more than you need. There's just all these different little like sales and marketing tactics that they're using within the grocery store that is leveraged against your primate mind because your primate mind when it goes hunting for food, it looks for delicious ripe fruit. And so when you go to the grocery store, those colors of delicious ripe fruits will cause you to gravitate towards grabbing that product, even if it doesn't have the same nutritional content as a delicious ripe fruit. and that can be seen as rhetoric, that can be seen as my own rhetoric. That's something that can be seen as like, oh, dude, that's like low key, a little bit troubling of a thing to convey to people that color theory is being used against our own subconscious. It almost constantly to the point where it's guiding people to make decisions that they don't know why they're making them until you point it out that, hey, that was color theory. Then they start questioning every single decision in their entire lives That's that's a type in form of rhetoric. But there's a difference between saying that and between saying something like all men or women do this thing because it hits different centers of the brain. Mazlow's hierarchy of needs. When you hit different hierarchies in the needs, like when you hit the different levels in the needs, different kind of emotional responses happen. So like food, I think is a pretty low level. So I think it's lower level in the hierarchy. So when you have a manipulation around your food environment, the necessity to survive and to keep consuming food outweighs the insult or whatever that may be caused by having figured out that you were manipulated through color theory to choose that product. The fact that you need to eat matters so much more than the possibility that they're manipulating you to buy this certain product that you just end up buying the product and you kind of give into it a little bit easier. But when you get up higher into the hierarchy of needs where it gets to like mating and stuff like that, that's when you have more of a cognitive challenge because that's something that is inherently difficult for everybody. It's just inherently difficult to find compatibility in a partner. because it's such such a big decision to be made on a genetic scale and things like that, the subconscious wants it to be a near perfect genetic match. So it starts a filtering process. And that filtering process needs to be just like breathing. It's a conscious and subconscious process working together, filtering out different kinds of mates to figure out which one is the most genetically or whatever have you compatible And that's when it gets bad, because people interject rhetoric into that filtering mechanism. And that the highest hierarchy is like what contributes to somebody's overall sense of well being, I believe. So if you start fucking with, like, their ability to find a mate, you're going to fuck with them all the way down the hierarchy, all the way into, like, maybe they just stop eating because they get so depressed about that kind of shit. It's something that can affect every layer of the hierarchy. in the same way that like if you stop eating, it's going to affect every layer of the hierarchy. I guess maybe calling it a hierarchy is maybe a little bit of a misnomer because. Without each part, other parts don't necessarily have the ability to exist. Like, if you don't eat, then you can't find a mate. But if you start fucking with somebody's ability to find a mate to the level that that that kind of like fuck with goes down the hierarchy, that's when it's kind of like a as above, so below type situation. And that's what we're seeing a lot now. That's why that shit was so popular a couple years ago because karmically speaking, if you inform people before you do something, then you're not really karmically responsible, is how some people understand it, which But they informed us through social media right around 2018. When I saw a lot of that as above so below type stuff, being pushed, not just necessarily in the niche, but also it found a mainstream. There was that movie about the catacombs and stuff like that. So just to suggest it offhandedly or like slyly is supposedly charmically enough to weigh whatever karmic backlash may happen. But my whole thing is, um. try not to pay too much attention to that stuff, because that's how you drive yourself crazy. That's the rhetoric, dude. That's the fucking exact rhetoric that drives you crazy. It starts making your limbic system respond in certain ways that you're like, oh my God, if I do this, will that karmically repay against me in this way? No, man, it doesn't work like that, because if you're paying attention to it, the system doesn't work because it's like a subconscious type system. It's a system that can only really operate within the subconscious because it's the subconscious trying to understand actions. So that's why when somebody acts in a certain way and you judge it super harshly years and years later, you might find yourself accidentally acting in that same way and very few people put it together if unless they have that like framework of karma, framework of karma kind of helps them remember, oh, I was super mad when somebody acted that way towards me, and now I'm acting this way. Oh, man, I must have just made people super mad, and then you can kind of go about solving the situation maybe differently than that other person did. You could say, maybe that that other person never apologized in the past, and that's what really upset me. So then maybe you, having this framework and understanding of karma can sell reflect and then go, hey, man, I'm sorry. I got treated that way in the past, and I didn't like it, and that does not give me an excuse to have treated you now. That actually makes it worse, because I didn't like it when it happened to me. Why should you like it? And I totally understand, and I'm sorry. And that is growth. 'cause he took the karmic cycle from the past. He took the thing that bothered you, and then you accidentally embodied it, but you knew that it bothered you, so then now in the future, you actually took extra actions that the person in the past didn't take to complete the wondering of the thought process. You wondered why somebody did that. Well, somebody might yell shit fuck a damn if they stub their toe and then you go and you fucking judge them. You're like, howow dare you say shit fuck a damn? You fucking dirty mouthpiece of shit, you fucking foul mouthed scumbag. You fucking shit stain of the earth. How dare you say shit damn fuck of shit? Whatever I said. they get real fucking mad. They have an emotional limbic response to this shit. And then one day they're just going about their business and they stub their toe and they're like, shit, fuck a damn mad. And they fucking start saying a bunch of expletives, and then they're like,Oh, that's why that guy fucking acted in that way? That's the problem with like thought contagions and the purveyans of some fucking negative ideologies. is even with a you disagree with the Romanian fucking piece of shit, pimp lord, I totally understand why the Romanian government got on that guy's case, because now I'm referring to it as this. They're like, "Dude, quit fucking putting Transylvania down like that. We're not like that, dog. We are not this guy. They fucking locked him up, forgive him, fucking Transylvania, a bad name. They're like, Dracula all the way. Bra Stroker. 1904. I don't know when Brav Stroker came out. I don't know when Dracula came out. Maybe 1904, 1884. 1864. It's got a four in there somewhere 1446. Yeah, I totally totally understand why they cracked down on that guy. Um.. They were bad. They were tired of the bad PR. And that's a different situation, because that dude was legitimately doing with some bad stuff to people. And then you condemn him and you're like, that guy's doing some bad stuff. I'm getting so angry about it. But then years and years later, you find yourself on OnlyFans and you're like, why am I paying for this? And then you remember, oh my God, I'm acting exactly like how that guy acted beforehand, except I'm the customer half now. Maybe I condemned him so harshly that I prevented myself from getting the bag and I became a customer. That's karmic in a way. That's how the karmic psycho can be leveraged against you in a way that, like, oh man, this person's pissing me off, so I'm never gonna act in that way.. But then in trying to avoid and acting that way, uh, you end up not being who you were meant to be, because you maybe you were meant to act in that kind of way, in a different kind of way. Maybe you were meant to embody that energy and that other person doing it wrong or whatever you call it, may just be agitating you because you're like, man, not I was the one, but we all think that we're the one. That's what makes the Lego movies so good, because the prophecy about being the one, you're all the special, dude. We're all the fucking special. That's what makes us special. That's what, going back to it. It's right in front of our fucking faces, the entire time. Your nose is technically visible. You should be able to see your nose by all intents and purposes, but if you put a pencil, if you even just put your finger in between your nose, you can't see it no more. I'm picking something up so I can put it in between my nose. And boom, I can't see it. It doesn't exist. It might as well notexist in the area between my two eyeballs, because my brain is filling in that space with other data. It's filling it in with the overlap of the two data. So dude, just affect it your brain is doing that much subconscious calculation to present to you vision is a doorway and to understanding that you're perception and how you see reality is a completely confabulated experience. Even if it's confabulated by your own mind, and realizing that lets you be a little bit more weary of the things that you're consuming. You kind of stop consuming the guy who likes to go to suicide Forest because you realize that that guy who goes to suicide Forest does not act as reverently as you might have acted in suicide Forest. But then, this is the thing about judgment, as you judge him so harshly that you never go to suicide forest to act in that way. You never have the opportunity because that guy used up all the opportunity acting like a douchebag. And you're like trying to avoid being a douchebag so bad that you're becoming anti rhetorical. That's the thing too. Not everybody responds to rhetoric in the same way. Some people, you get two groups. One person, they're both presented with the same rhetoric. One person may agree with the rhetoric and it strengthens their opinion, and one person may disagree with the rhetoric, and it actually strengthens their opinion in the opposite direction. That's why it's unpredictable. Free will is a very unpredictable thing, because based upon the people's frameworks, that's how they'll respond to a certain kind of rhetoric. And basically my whole thing is break the framework. See outside of the rhetoric, see above, and then see below, and then see how the two are interacting with each other. And then try to go directly into the system itself and fill around until all of the unwanted components are no longer there, and unwanted components might just be negative feelings. And how do you solve negative feelings? The best way to solve negative feelings is within the self negative feelings is yourself trying to rationalize something. So if you look at it and you try to rationalize it and you support the subconscious and the rationalization of it rather than fighting with it, that you two can work together in just solving your emotional problems. I had an emotional problem. It bothered me a shit ton. And it bothered me for years. And I kind of just came to like a head, I popped, and I wrote a big, long, angry letter. That's what I do. I don't know that I can think of anything in the entire existence, so I just try to write it all in a letter. It's just a fucking angry letter. I have a very good memory, so I just remember shit, and I'm like,Th thing pissed me off on this date back then. I just fucking go ham. And this one thing reached ahead. It was something I was trying to ignore that made me really upset, and I was trying to not be upset by it because, like, being upset by it is, like, I'm not as cool as I am. If that should upset me, I'm not actually as cool as I as I fucking am. But that shit upset me, and I finally reached ahead and I wrote the letter. And I was actually like, oh man, I feel like I'm being watched through a degree, so maybe I shouldn't have wrote that letter, because some people might think about that letter. I mean, watched on a very magnifying type scale. And anyways, a few days later, though, I kind of I looked at the letter again with the rationalization of, oh, shit, you know, this isn't how I want to present myself. I kind of rewrote it and I didn't necessarily rewrote it. I just like, I added some more to it. I added some more rationalization. Like this is a few days later, and this is how reading that made me feel. I kind of forgave the person a little bit. I tried my hardest to just forgive the person. Now that I finally understood their actions and I rationalized it, I kind of was like, whatever. like not even just like whatever, just like, I understand. And I I get it. Then I had a fucking dream. That dude came to me in a dream and it scared me in the dream because I was like, I was just thinking about you. It's scary. And even in the dream was like, hey, man, I know that like I'm scaring you, but that's the exact reason why it needs to be me because that fear is going to bring you to conscious awareness so that you can remember this. And it's very imperative that you remember this. It grabbed me by the shoulders and he said, don't take the opioid. And then I woke up and I was like, what the fuck? And it was a very long dream. So I wrote down the rest of the dream that I knew I couldn't remember, but I didn't want to write this part down because I felt so weird about it. I was like, I don't want to write that down. I feel so weird about that mentioning that. Why is he doing in my dreams? I'm so angry about that. I'm so not angry about that. I'm so confused. I had the fucking stomach flu. I had some kind of stomach bug. And that day, I woke up, and I started throwing up and shit. So I was like, this is day three. I got to go to the hospital. What to the hospital? When I got there, they tried giving me an opiate. They tried giving me morphine. And I was like, "Can I not have that, actually? You know, I've had some adverse reactions in the past. I'm just kind of weary about taking any ooppioids in the future because a different one, you know, made my insides feel itchy, I don't like the feeling. It doesn't make me feel comfortable. So they gave me, an anti inflammatory instead, but then they sent me home with one, and I was like, I don't want that. So I never filled the prescription. I was like, I don't I heard the dream. I'm gonna actually listen to the dream. I'm not gonna get that. I'm not gonna feel that. I actually don't need it. I can deal with this pain level. The pain isn't so bad that I can't deal. The pain is bad. It definitely was a fucking... pretty high level of pain, but. I was like,Let me just deal with it anyways. Let me just soldier on through, because it's not so bad that ibuprofen won't help. It's not so bad that acetomitophin won't help. So I stuck with just ibuprof and aetomitin. And that helped. And there was no need to take the opioid. So that dream, he came and fucking warned me, I actually changed my reality. Something that was gonna happen, some impending thing that was going to happen to me, didn't happen because I decided to just let go of my anger and forgive this person. And then this person, my brain used it once I had like not such terrible feelings around it. My brain used this person. If you want to think about it, not being psychic, maybe this person had not thought about me in years. Maybe they don't give a fuck about me. Maybe just forgiving them, freed up my brain enough to use their figure, their reconfiguration, their confabulation of their image, to present a message to myself that I could understand a little bit better. because when you're yourself talking to yourself, it confuses your mind. So if you're sending yourself messages throughout time, your mind must fucking assume another form so you can convey the information. And my mind was like trying to avoid a very certain timeline. It was like, don't fucking do it. And I was like, you know what? It's very weird that I'm at the hospital and I'm in a. When I woke up too, I didn't want to write it down because I was like, when am I ever going to get an opioid? And then to go to the hospital, then off be offered it, I was like, oh, fuck, this is when. It all kind of clicked. Also bet, like... Trigger warning for people that have fear of needles, fear of blood, but I once you get a fucking IV, dude. Oh, my God. They put the tourniquet on my arm. And then he was like little poke. And I have a fear of needles, so I don't like looking at it. I turned away. I turned my head fully to the left. As soon as he started taking out all of the products that had needles, I was like, no, I'm not participating in this. And I turned my head and he was like, a little poke. And I was like, yeah, a little poke. We got this. We can do this. And then he was like, oh, wow, that's such a good vein. And then the other lady came by and she's like, oh, wow, what a great puncture. Wow, that was such a good job. And he's like, yeah, right? Like, it's so good. It's amazing. And I was like, wow, I kind of want to check this work out a little bit. They're talking it up. It just sounds like it was like I'm being overreactive right now. I'm like I'm being a big baby, you know? It's talking about that was routine. It was perfect. It was fucking phenomenal, almost even. And then I decided to look. There's like a fucking fountain of blood. There's fucking blood everywhere, though there was fucking blood all over the floor. There was blood all over their little table My arm had turned into a tiny fountain because of the pressure of the tourniquet had put a lot of pressure in the vein, and then it fucking just popped, and it started spurring out everywhere. And then I started getting fucking dizzy dog. You know I was like, oh my God, oh my God. I almost wanted to cry because I have such a intense fear of needles and blood, dude. It's weird. Started with needles, and it was kind of like only blood associated with the needle at first, and now it's kind of just like blood, dude. large amounts of blood make me uneasy. I'm like, that's not normal. That's too much to be on the outside. Oh, God, dude, that shit was so fucking messy. But it's like, really good on them, I guess. Like, they didn't want to make me freak out and they maybe didn't think that I would be so willing or like curious to look So they kept trying to be like, everything's fine over here, but they didn't realize by saying everything is fine over here, that they were making me think that it was okay to look. And then so I looked and I was like, oh. And then she like wheeled the card away and I was like, ma'am, there's still blood all over the side there. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Sometimes you just gotta have a release, you know? They used to do, you know, blood letting for people that had stomach issues back in the day. Maybe that was what they were doing, but they didn't say that they were doing that. Oh, gross. So gross. My arm hurts. I'm feeling sensitive. I don't like needles. I really don't like needles. They make me freak the fuck out, dog. Um. Which is funny, because I have a bunch of tattoos. You're like, really? And I'm like, that was an attempt for me to try to get over the fear. I was trying to get over the fear if I get a whole bunch. It didn't work. Because tattoos, they have a different energy. The thing got different energies. That's why it goes all the way back to the energy podcast, yo, go check it out. If you haven't yet, don't check it out. If you haven't, because I've tried to listen to it a couple times, I'm like, this sucks. So if you feel the same way, don't feel pressure to force yourself to listen to it, you know. Some of the times, though, like sit through it. There's a joke or two in there that you might like. But it really goes all the way back into like the energy thing, man. There's like a different kind of energy in tattoo needles than there is in medical needles and it's that medical fucking kind of vibe at medical sadism. It's not always sadism, but like medical necessity at the cost of pain. Like, you need to. Like, why haven't they developed a needle that works sort of like a series of mosquito fucking noses that doesn't hurt at all to extract blood, just kind of like a little sticker that you put on and then it you put the vacuumized tube on it, it sucks all the blood out, and it doesn't hurt. It's that kind of like, well, being treated is going to hurt a little bit thing about the field of medicine that kind of makes me scared.. Like, if you want to be treated, you must be willing to be cut open. And it's like, man, you haven't found a noninvasive way to do that yet. Where's the Star Trek fucking technology app, man? What the fuck? I thought we were in the fucking 21st century, dog. What the hell? Um. But then the also goes into, like the energy behind the rhetoric, dude. Like, yeah, some of those guys, their energy behind that rhetoric is just testosterone, fuel, fucking rage. And you got to call it, you gotta call a square a square sometimes. That's just how testosterone, f, rageful people think and to fucking be providing catalyst for that type of thinking. is bad. If you're somebody with a high testosterone level, you shouldn't be going around saying everybody else should be like me to normalize your own bad behavior. You should come up with methods that help you handle it, and then you should weigh the pros and cons of those methods of whether that is a proper thing to convey. And for me, things like talking it out, which is why I keep doing the podcast, even though it's embarrassing a little bit. Sometimes I'm like, oh, I kind of want to take that down. Some of I did, because I was like, that's an unhealthy person's view of the world. I took them down because I was like, no, that's not congruent to this kind of ideology of like you have to put out into the world what you want to get back. I don't want to put out angry vibes, so I'm not going to have a fucking podcast that has angry vibes. It's probably still accessible somewhere. You could probably find it if you wanted to. And then when you find it, you'll be like all this is the angry one he was talking about, but I'm not going to point it out. because I realized the concept of thought contagions, and that's exactly what's happening with a lot of these negative dudes. They rationationalized shit and a negative way, and then they pervade a thought contagion and then when people hear it, like listed out in a real well-defined linguistic argument like that, and it sounds all cool and shit and they make that ideology seem like it was their contributor to success rather than the underlying factors of like a whole bunch of other variables that play turning into their luck in favor you start contributing that ideology with success, and you think, well, people who are successful think this way, and that might not necessarily be true. So then it reinforces a negative belief that's not based in reality. What do we call that? A belief, not based in reality? A delusion. And a lot of people keep following for this delusional thinking. And it actually kind of presents a question that I've been trying to wonder myself and trying to figure out, but I would I think that's a good way to end the podcast this week. I think I would like to present it to the public, to the world. And like, can I please have some feedback on this? Because I'm still, I can't figure it out yet. This is how you figure things out as feedback. So delusions of grandeur are villonized. People oftentimes take delusions of grandeur, and they're like, that's bad. You shouldn't hope for the best, like that. That is, you're hoping for too much good there, buddy. They always kind of like dial you down a little bit, but that urge to dial somebody else down for their grandiose visions of the future. Like, what if somebody like Walt Disney was diagnosed with delusions of grandeur and medicated? instead of actually pursuing his dream of animating and opening up a fucking theme park and shit like that, he had a delusion of grandeur, but then what's the thing that made a difference? Was it his ability to do it? Was it just his luck and happenstance that put him in the positions that he was able to do these things in the ways that he was able to do him. and that goes into my question, which I presented a couple of there, but my real question is, it goes more towards those why are we not looking at those people that try to tear down grand visions as also being mentally unhealthy as well What is the opposite of delusions of grandeur and why isn't that treated and discussed to a same level as delusions of grandeur? It's like, I tried to figure it out and the best word I could come up with is anti-grander. You're so opposed to things and how they could be good that you develop this delusion of like inferiority, this delusion of anti-grur, that anything that could be grand, you automatically discount and say it's impossible because you have this delusional way of thinking. What would you call that? I said anti-grander, but even still, I feel like that's not exactly what it is that I'm trying to get at. But it's that delusion that is far more detrimental and dangerous and far more widespread than delusions of grandeur. Delusions of grandeur can lead to mania, which is definitely an issue and not to be discounted. But I think delusions of anti grander can lead to depression, anxiety, and all of those other kinds of afflictions that we see so widespread throughout society today. And I think it's that like, the yin and yang kind of balance between delusions of anti grander and delusions of grandeur that's creating this kind of radicalized youth that are being radicalized by like rhetoric that is was deemed as completely fucking false or a negative way of thinking 20 years ago. It was almost admonished ways of thinking. Admonished. It was definitely... condemned. I don't know if admonished means condemned, but to think in certain ways, which would be sexist, misandrist, or misogynist, and those ways were condemned nearly just as much as 20 years ago. just as recently as 20 years ago, even less, just as recently as yesterday with the posting of somebody else's rhetorical angry podcast or TikTok or whatever So yeah, why are these negative hormonally delusional ideologies allowed to be perveyed and why are more positive ideologies being condemned at the same time if both were being purveyed to such a degree, then I wouldn't really have much of a question, but it's why is it that there is either one or the other? There is either grandiosity or there is terribleness. Why can't there be some kind of middle thing where all things are possible? I guess the concept of all things being possible is a little bit overwhelming. I guess maybe my own mind is kind of getting a little bit lost here. So I'm going to call it quits right right here. Consider the questions that I asked about what would you call that that term, what I'm trying to call out here? Do you feel the same way about it? Think about it deeply chew on, and spit on it and get the fuck out of here.